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"Lucas, this is a very bad, bad idea. Mommy and Daddy will be mad if they catched us not in school." Sally pleaded as her brother dragged her inside their house.
"Mommy and daddy are at work. And it's 'caught', Sally, not 'catched'." Lucas said in a matter-of-fact way, "They don't even get home till 6 o'clock , which is way after we originally come home from school anyway." He explained to his little sister after closing and re-locking the front door. As soon as the door was closed, Sally ran to the front room window and placed herself on the ground. She cupped her hands around her eyes and scanned the outside of the house.
Lucas rolled his eyes at his paranoid sister and ran his hand through his spiked black hair. He removed his backpack and threw it against the wall. "They're not coming home for another 6 hours, Sally." He sighed as he walked behind the young girl and took the pink sparkly backpack from off his sister's shoulders. Once the bag was off of Sally, her straight blonde hair softly fell onto her back. Lucas tossed the backpack into the hallway, next to his. He walked away from his sister and headed into the kitchen, itching for a sweet snack. When Lucas opened the food pantry, he maneuvered his hand around boxes of cereal and reached into the back of the cabinet. Lucas smiled devilishly when he had found his secret stash.
"Hey, Sally..." Lucas cooed to his sister when he stood in the kitchen doorway.
"Mhmm?" The girl hummed, not removing her eyes or hand-binoculars from the window.
Even though Sally wasn't facing him, Lucas held up an unopened package of Chips Ahoy! Chocolate Chip Cookies. "Lookie what I've been saving for us."
As curiosity got the best of the young girl's mind, Sally turned away from the window and beamed when she saw the glorious blue box of deliciousness in her brother's hand. But her smile soon faded as Sally cocked her head to the side and questioned her brother, "But doesn't mommy says the rule is we can only have 3 cookies a day?"
"But this is my box of cookies. And I say we can split the package half and half." Lucas said.
Sally looked up at a corner of the room as she did the math in her head, "That is 17 cookies eached!" The girl grinned with white teeth.
Lucas laughed. His sister's arithmetic skills always amazed him, especially for a 2nd grader. He wondered how she was so good at math, but had so much trouble with English grammar. "As long as you don't tell mommy or daddy, they'll never know, and we won't get caught." Lucas explained as he turned into the kitchen, waiting for his sister to jump up and follow him.
Lucas couldn't help but smile when Sally skipped behind him singing, "'C' is for cookies! Which I love to eat! And 'C' is for kitchen! Where I get my cookies!"
"Mommy and daddy are at work. And it's 'caught', Sally, not 'catched'." Lucas said in a matter-of-fact way, "They don't even get home till 6 o'clock , which is way after we originally come home from school anyway." He explained to his little sister after closing and re-locking the front door. As soon as the door was closed, Sally ran to the front room window and placed herself on the ground. She cupped her hands around her eyes and scanned the outside of the house.
Lucas rolled his eyes at his paranoid sister and ran his hand through his spiked black hair. He removed his backpack and threw it against the wall. "They're not coming home for another 6 hours, Sally." He sighed as he walked behind the young girl and took the pink sparkly backpack from off his sister's shoulders. Once the bag was off of Sally, her straight blonde hair softly fell onto her back. Lucas tossed the backpack into the hallway, next to his. He walked away from his sister and headed into the kitchen, itching for a sweet snack. When Lucas opened the food pantry, he maneuvered his hand around boxes of cereal and reached into the back of the cabinet. Lucas smiled devilishly when he had found his secret stash.
"Hey, Sally..." Lucas cooed to his sister when he stood in the kitchen doorway.
"Mhmm?" The girl hummed, not removing her eyes or hand-binoculars from the window.
Even though Sally wasn't facing him, Lucas held up an unopened package of Chips Ahoy! Chocolate Chip Cookies. "Lookie what I've been saving for us."
As curiosity got the best of the young girl's mind, Sally turned away from the window and beamed when she saw the glorious blue box of deliciousness in her brother's hand. But her smile soon faded as Sally cocked her head to the side and questioned her brother, "But doesn't mommy says the rule is we can only have 3 cookies a day?"
"But this is my box of cookies. And I say we can split the package half and half." Lucas said.
Sally looked up at a corner of the room as she did the math in her head, "That is 17 cookies eached!" The girl grinned with white teeth.
Lucas laughed. His sister's arithmetic skills always amazed him, especially for a 2nd grader. He wondered how she was so good at math, but had so much trouble with English grammar. "As long as you don't tell mommy or daddy, they'll never know, and we won't get caught." Lucas explained as he turned into the kitchen, waiting for his sister to jump up and follow him.
Lucas couldn't help but smile when Sally skipped behind him singing, "'C' is for cookies! Which I love to eat! And 'C' is for kitchen! Where I get my cookies!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sally gulped down the last swig of milk from the cup she and Lucas were sharing. When she was finished, she put the cup down and swung her legs that dangled off the kitchen counter she sat upon. Lucas took the cup and washed the cookies crumbs out of it, then dried the cup with a paper towel and put it back in the cabinet where he got it from. Then Lucas threw away the now empty box of cookies and crushed it to the bottom of the big, and proceeded to hide it underneath the rest of the trash in the bin.
Once the kitchen looked as it did before the siblings got home, Sally applauded for her brother for how amazingly perfect he made everything look.
Lucas grinned cockily with a bow, then stood up and wiped his hands together. "It's like we were never here." He said proudly.
"Are we going back to school now?" Sally asked innocently after she hopped off the kitchen counter.
Lucas looked down at his sister and patted her head, "No Sally. Right now it's 1:47, that's my athletic period. And trust me, 8th grade athletics is something you're going to want to skip when you get there too. We still have over 4 hours till mom and dad get home. C'mon Sally, don't be a goody-goody. Isn't there something you always wanted to do, but mom and dad would never let you?" Lucas genuinely asked his naive little sister.
Sally knocked on her head with her pointer finger and thought about it. When she finally came up with something, she ran to the backdoor window and pointed outside to the distance. Lucas walked up to her and tried to locate where she was pointing, somewhere out in the woods that their family called their backyard. He smiled and looked down at Sally when he figured it out.
"You wanna go down to the river." Lucas stated with a smile. Sally didn't answer, only violently nodded her head. Before Lucas could happily answer his sister's request, he heard a car outside. Lucas raised his eyebrow, and then his eyes widened.
"Oh crap. I forgot about mom's lunch break!" Lucas yelled in a terrified whisper.
Sally's eyes matched Lucas's and the two kids stood there frozen for a moment. Unable to comprehend their thoughts or come up with a plan of escape.
Finally, when the two heard the car door outside open, they simultaneously looked at the door they forgot they were standing next to. Lucas quickly opened the back door and rushed Sally outside. He closed the door behind him and ran after his quick sister, now dashing into the thick trees towards the river. Lucas looked back only once, and saw nothing but their house getting smaller and smaller in the distance.
Once the kitchen looked as it did before the siblings got home, Sally applauded for her brother for how amazingly perfect he made everything look.
Lucas grinned cockily with a bow, then stood up and wiped his hands together. "It's like we were never here." He said proudly.
"Are we going back to school now?" Sally asked innocently after she hopped off the kitchen counter.
Lucas looked down at his sister and patted her head, "No Sally. Right now it's 1:47, that's my athletic period. And trust me, 8th grade athletics is something you're going to want to skip when you get there too. We still have over 4 hours till mom and dad get home. C'mon Sally, don't be a goody-goody. Isn't there something you always wanted to do, but mom and dad would never let you?" Lucas genuinely asked his naive little sister.
Sally knocked on her head with her pointer finger and thought about it. When she finally came up with something, she ran to the backdoor window and pointed outside to the distance. Lucas walked up to her and tried to locate where she was pointing, somewhere out in the woods that their family called their backyard. He smiled and looked down at Sally when he figured it out.
"You wanna go down to the river." Lucas stated with a smile. Sally didn't answer, only violently nodded her head. Before Lucas could happily answer his sister's request, he heard a car outside. Lucas raised his eyebrow, and then his eyes widened.
"Oh crap. I forgot about mom's lunch break!" Lucas yelled in a terrified whisper.
Sally's eyes matched Lucas's and the two kids stood there frozen for a moment. Unable to comprehend their thoughts or come up with a plan of escape.
Finally, when the two heard the car door outside open, they simultaneously looked at the door they forgot they were standing next to. Lucas quickly opened the back door and rushed Sally outside. He closed the door behind him and ran after his quick sister, now dashing into the thick trees towards the river. Lucas looked back only once, and saw nothing but their house getting smaller and smaller in the distance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As soon as the siblings reached a clearing of the trees, Lucas doubled over the closest one to him to catch his breath. When Lucas found the energy to stand up straight, he glanced around to find where Sally had stopped. Suddenly, over the rushing sound of the river, Lucas heard crying. Sally crying. Thankfully she sounded close by.
Lucas darted from tree to tree, searching the area around him. He found Sally on the ground next to a fallen tree branch. Tears were falling down her face and she was holding a bloody knee. Lucas looked at Sally with a frozen worried face.
"Oh my god... Sally. Sally are you okay?" Lucas asked frantically as he rushed over to his sister and knelt beside her.
Sally was sobbing uncontrollably, but still tried to explain what happened, "I-I-I tripp-ped and f-f-falled on my kn-kneeeeee!!!!" She wailed, still holding the wound in her hand.
Lucas took hold of his sister's hand and pulled it away from her leg. Her knee was badly scratched up, and already bruising. Lucas looked around and tried to think quickly of what to do, but it was hard for him to concentrate over the roaring river.
River.
"Hold on Sally, I'll take care of it." Lucas said sweetly as he picked up his sister carefully and carried her like an infant. Lucas took Sally to the bank of the river and sat her down in the grass. Sally had held on the crying and now was only sniffling with a few tears falling here and there. Seeing his sister's strength made Lucas smile.
Lucas looked at his left shoulder and tore the sleeve off his t-shirt. He wet the cloth in the river's water and dabbed it onto Sally's knee. Sally winced at first, but only because the water was colder than she expected. Soon the blood was stopped and washed off, now the wound didn't look near as bad as before. Still bruised, but it wouldn't be a scar.
"What are we going to tell mommy and daddy?" Sally asked with large eyes.
Lucas stared at the scrapes on Sally's knee and his now-bare shoulder, but he couldn't think of anyway to connect the two problems for a cover-up. He sighed and placed his fist of his forehead, still trying to come up with something.
"I falled." Sally pipped up.
Lucas shook his head, "No Sally, you fell."
"I fell." She said correctly. "I was pushed. By a bigger boy at the school." Sally started to say. This caught Lucas's attention, Sally could have been pushed. The boys around this town aren't the nicest. But then Lucas shook his head again, "Good try Sally, but what about my shirt?"
"You gotted mad at the boy and then you pushed him, but he grabbed your shirt and ripped it when he fell." Sally finished with a proud smile.
Lucas turned to look at his sister and thought about her idea. It could work, it made sense. Lucas definitely would hurt anyone who hurt his sister. He grinned widely and pat his sister on the head, "Maybe you're not such a goody-goody after all, sis." Sally giggled and took off her shoes, dipping her feet into the river's cool water. Lucas laughed and did the same.
While Sally kicked her feet in the water, something shimmering underneath the water's surface caught the girl's eye. Sally stood up and crouched in the water, careful not to get her clothes wet. Lucas watched his sister curiously, wondering what she saw. After digging around the mud for a minute, Sally pulled a shiny icicle-shaped rock out of the river bed. Lucas stood up with a gawked expression on his face, and crouched next to his sister to get a better look at what she'd found.
"Oh hey," Lucas began to say, "That's a... Uhm.. Oh yea. That's an onyx crystal." He said as Sally handed him the rock. Lucas held the crystal up to the sunlight. The crystal gave off a dark but charming glow in the light. Sally ooh'd at the pretty rock with an interested look.
"We learned about crystals and other rocks in my Geology class. Apparently every crystal gives off an aurora of power. Some crystals can increase your happiness if in possession, others can decrease your anxieties, and so on."
Sally listened carefully with and open mind, "What does the Anix one do?"
Lucas laughed, "Onyx, it's a protection crystal. If you keep it close to you, no negative energy can harm you."
The young girl had a smile spread across her face, she was both excited about the gem and proud that she found it in the first place. "Can we keep the treasure, Lucas?"
"Of course we can, Sally. In fact, I want you to keep it." Lucas said with a smile. "My little sister needs all the protection she can get. When we get home, I'll find a way to put this on a necklace, so you can always keep it close to you." Lucas stood up and held out his hand to help his sister. When they were both standing, they began walking back through the woods from the direction they came in.
"I had fun at the river, Lucas." Sally giggled as she continued to hold her big brother's hand, "Can we do it again? As long as we don't tell mommy or daddy, they'll never know." She said, using her free hand to play with the onyx.
Lucas looked down at his younger sister and laughed, "Maybe one day we'll do it again, Sally."
Lucas darted from tree to tree, searching the area around him. He found Sally on the ground next to a fallen tree branch. Tears were falling down her face and she was holding a bloody knee. Lucas looked at Sally with a frozen worried face.
"Oh my god... Sally. Sally are you okay?" Lucas asked frantically as he rushed over to his sister and knelt beside her.
Sally was sobbing uncontrollably, but still tried to explain what happened, "I-I-I tripp-ped and f-f-falled on my kn-kneeeeee!!!!" She wailed, still holding the wound in her hand.
Lucas took hold of his sister's hand and pulled it away from her leg. Her knee was badly scratched up, and already bruising. Lucas looked around and tried to think quickly of what to do, but it was hard for him to concentrate over the roaring river.
River.
"Hold on Sally, I'll take care of it." Lucas said sweetly as he picked up his sister carefully and carried her like an infant. Lucas took Sally to the bank of the river and sat her down in the grass. Sally had held on the crying and now was only sniffling with a few tears falling here and there. Seeing his sister's strength made Lucas smile.
Lucas looked at his left shoulder and tore the sleeve off his t-shirt. He wet the cloth in the river's water and dabbed it onto Sally's knee. Sally winced at first, but only because the water was colder than she expected. Soon the blood was stopped and washed off, now the wound didn't look near as bad as before. Still bruised, but it wouldn't be a scar.
"What are we going to tell mommy and daddy?" Sally asked with large eyes.
Lucas stared at the scrapes on Sally's knee and his now-bare shoulder, but he couldn't think of anyway to connect the two problems for a cover-up. He sighed and placed his fist of his forehead, still trying to come up with something.
"I falled." Sally pipped up.
Lucas shook his head, "No Sally, you fell."
"I fell." She said correctly. "I was pushed. By a bigger boy at the school." Sally started to say. This caught Lucas's attention, Sally could have been pushed. The boys around this town aren't the nicest. But then Lucas shook his head again, "Good try Sally, but what about my shirt?"
"You gotted mad at the boy and then you pushed him, but he grabbed your shirt and ripped it when he fell." Sally finished with a proud smile.
Lucas turned to look at his sister and thought about her idea. It could work, it made sense. Lucas definitely would hurt anyone who hurt his sister. He grinned widely and pat his sister on the head, "Maybe you're not such a goody-goody after all, sis." Sally giggled and took off her shoes, dipping her feet into the river's cool water. Lucas laughed and did the same.
While Sally kicked her feet in the water, something shimmering underneath the water's surface caught the girl's eye. Sally stood up and crouched in the water, careful not to get her clothes wet. Lucas watched his sister curiously, wondering what she saw. After digging around the mud for a minute, Sally pulled a shiny icicle-shaped rock out of the river bed. Lucas stood up with a gawked expression on his face, and crouched next to his sister to get a better look at what she'd found.
"Oh hey," Lucas began to say, "That's a... Uhm.. Oh yea. That's an onyx crystal." He said as Sally handed him the rock. Lucas held the crystal up to the sunlight. The crystal gave off a dark but charming glow in the light. Sally ooh'd at the pretty rock with an interested look.
"We learned about crystals and other rocks in my Geology class. Apparently every crystal gives off an aurora of power. Some crystals can increase your happiness if in possession, others can decrease your anxieties, and so on."
Sally listened carefully with and open mind, "What does the Anix one do?"
Lucas laughed, "Onyx, it's a protection crystal. If you keep it close to you, no negative energy can harm you."
The young girl had a smile spread across her face, she was both excited about the gem and proud that she found it in the first place. "Can we keep the treasure, Lucas?"
"Of course we can, Sally. In fact, I want you to keep it." Lucas said with a smile. "My little sister needs all the protection she can get. When we get home, I'll find a way to put this on a necklace, so you can always keep it close to you." Lucas stood up and held out his hand to help his sister. When they were both standing, they began walking back through the woods from the direction they came in.
"I had fun at the river, Lucas." Sally giggled as she continued to hold her big brother's hand, "Can we do it again? As long as we don't tell mommy or daddy, they'll never know." She said, using her free hand to play with the onyx.
Lucas looked down at his younger sister and laughed, "Maybe one day we'll do it again, Sally."
Literature
Cherished
She persuades him to lie down and be still for her
Naked in body only,
her eyes peer past the whole to the pieces.
She squeezes his breasts
Sweet, ripe little things
How they ache for her.
Curious hands become gentle fingers
Sliding up his throat
knuckles rasping against stubble
Skating across his forehead smoothing furrows.
Press gently on the delicate skin at the edges of his eyes
Follow down between the eyebrows
The straight line of his nose
Stroking soft lips that part in hungry expectancy.
She stretches his arms above his head, palms up.
Traces with spider legs down his shivering skin
Tickles the hair of his armpits
Nuzzling her
Literature
Adam
Queen I am...
don't lie to me!
my patients thin
I see within
don't...
ADAM
MAN
Literature
i.
Within blue eyes
anemone and starfish
abound, and seaweed eyelashes
move leisurely with the tides.
At sunset they sparkle,
lined with golden sand
and swirling without a sure direction,
becoming cloudy as a storm brews.
Beware, anger flashes across the surface,
where riptides catch the unwary
ships and sailors, wrecked
and broken amongst its depths.
Only the brave venture in,
attracted by the untameable,
roaring waves and sharp wind.
Eyes stinging, they enter the battle.
Slowly they themselves become blue,
the cold clinging to their skin,
sucking out all their warmth.
Then white as stone,
lips cracked and filled with salt
that leaves a bitter
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FINALLY.
A nice and long story that I actually feel good about
And no depressing ending!!!
This is for the Weekly Prompt Crystal for MollyoftheMoon and Writing-Condition
Please, PLEASE enjoy this guys~
A nice and long story that I actually feel good about
And no depressing ending!!!
This is for the Weekly Prompt Crystal for MollyoftheMoon and Writing-Condition
Please, PLEASE enjoy this guys~
© 2015 - 2024 FriendlyFlame
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Hi there, love! <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/w…" width="25" height="20" alt="" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="437" title="Hi!"/>
This is a charming story from beginning to end. The way you captured the older brother and sister's relationship is lovely. Your interpretation of them is realistic and honest. The entire scene of them stealing cookies was very real and I definitely appreciate "real".
The only thing I can complain about throughout this piece are typos. I find critiques are the perfect place to point these out and correct them. There were quite a few in the beginning that I'll help you with here:
<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="210" title="Bullet; Red"/> "Lucas said in a matter-of-factually way" <---- here I believe the term is "matter-of-fact". So it would read, "Lucas said in a matter-of-fact way".
<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="210" title="Bullet; Red"/> "Hey Sally~" Lucas cooed..." Here you shouldn't use the symbol "~". There should also be a comma between "hey" and "Sally". So it would read, "Hey, Sally..." I used ellipses instead of the "~" which would read to the same effect and still be proper grammar. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/h/h…" width="15" height="13" alt="" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="357" title="Heart"/>
<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="210" title="Bullet; Red"/> "As curiosity got the best of the young girls mind," <--- You need an apostrophe in "girls". So it should read "girl's".
<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="210" title="Bullet; Red"/> "'But doesn't mommy says the rule is; we can only have 3 cookies a day?'" Here I find that the semi-colon is unnecessary. So it would read, "'But doesn't mommy says the rule is that we can only have three cookies a day?'" (I also wrote out "three" rather than 3. This isn't a must but makes for better, clearer writing.
I'll stop there with typos, but something that would generally make your writing and the flow better is to use less "as this happened" sentences. I used to do it all the time when I was young and only noticed it when someone pointed it out. "As I wrote this sentence, I noticed it was time to go back from lunch." <---- These sorts of sentences can be overused and make what could be good writing clumsy and hard to understand at times. It's just something to watch for... not something you can NEVER do. Just try not to do it as much.
Overall dear, I found this piece quite charming and was inclined to leave a critique to help you further it even more. I hope you found what I said useful and continue to write charming stories that make readers giggle and smile.
<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/h/h…" width="15" height="13" alt="" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="357" title="Heart"/> OfOneSoul